Ever wonder why some kids are so self-assured, while others are filled with self-doubt? One of the largest factors behind that disparity is parenting.
Not only does your parenting shape your child's self-esteem, but it also guides behaviour. Most importantly, when you establish a safe emotional space, your child learns to trust in themselves.
In plain language: Children with confidence are made, not born.
What is Self-Esteem and Why is it Important?
Self-esteem is your child's inner feeling of value for how competent, worthwhile, and accepted they feel. Children with high self-esteem can:
- Experiment with new challenges
- Recover from failure
- Form healthy relationships
- Be themselves without fear
Low self-esteem, however, may cause:
- Fear of failure
- Withdrawal from social interaction
- Frustration and anxiety
- Poor academic or emotional development
This is supported by research: studies point out that responsive parenting and supportive parents result in children with greater self-esteem and emotional resilience (APA, 2019)
How Parenting Shapes a Child's Self-Esteem?
Every interaction matters. Your words, body language, and responses speak volumes about your child's worth.
- However, when you praise their effort, they feel capable.
- When you compare them to others, they feel "not good enough."
- When you invalidate their feelings, they learn to distrust themselves.
- When you listen with compassion, they feel safe to be open.
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, describes:
"Children internalize how parents treat them. When they feel seen, heard, and accepted, their confidence naturally grows."(Markham, 2017).
What Does 'Being Their Safe Space' Mean?
A safe space is not only physical safety. It's an emotional space in which your child feels:
Accepted — for themselves, not their accomplishments
Heard — their emotions are important, even when arguing
Supported — they can make mistakes without rejection
Encouraged — effort is valued over perfection
Building this safe space is the basis for self-esteem.
Actionable Ways to Be Their Safe Space
Parenting can be overwhelming, but small, daily habits build emotional safety:
- Listen Actively: Give full attention. Eye contact. No distractions.
- Validate Their Feelings: Instead of "Stop crying," try "I can see you’re upset. Let’s talk about it."
- Avoid Harsh Comparisons: Every child is unique and celebrates that.
- Normalize Mistakes: Discuss your own little mistakes and what you learned from them.
- Encourage, Don't Pressure: Acknowledge effort, persistence, and truth-telling more than success or performance.
Example: When your child is doing homework difficulties, don't say "You never do this correctly."
Say instead "I know this is difficult, but I'm proud of you for your effort."
Why This Matters: Backed by Research
- In a 2022 research, it was discovered that high parental involvement positively impacts children's social skills and self-esteem (Smith & Lee, 2022).
- Feeling safe at home contributes to lessening the risk of depression, anxiety, and behavioural problems (National Institute of Child Health, 2020).
These simple, thoughtful habits now can mold your child's confidence for a lifetime.
Final Thought
Your child doesn't require an ideal parent, they require a present, supportive one. By being their haven, you enable them to develop with confidence, resilience, and self-faith.
References
American Psychological Association. (2019). Parenting that promotes confidence and resilience in children. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/resilience
Markham, L. (2017). Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. TarcherPerigee.
National Institute of Child Health. (2020). The role of emotional safety in child development. Retrieved from https://www.nichd.nih.gov
Smith, A., & Lee, J. (2022). The impact of parental involvement on children's self-esteem and social competence. Journal of Child Psychology, 45(3), 221-235. https://doi.org/10.1037/cps.2022.0045